Friday, December 5, 2014
7:30-8:30am- breakfast: granola bar, yogurt
feelings: I ate the bar on the way to work at 7:30 and felt neutral about it because I was hungry for the entrie thing. Feeling positive about the day ahead. Ate yogurt at 8:30, mostly because it was there. I love this yogurt; It's Yopliat Whips so it tastes more like mousse. I still have the banana to eat, but I probably won't. I used to freaking LOVE bananas, but now they bother me. I can never find a "perfect" one anymore. They are either not ripe enough or have bruises (I can't stand bruised bananas). This one looks okay though, so I will maybe try it if I get hungry before lunch. I must say that I just don't get it. I want to go back to oatmeal and bananas in the morning.
9:30am- snack: 3/4 large banana
feelings: Only 3/4 because of giant disgusting bruise at the end of it, but also a good thing because I'm totally not hungry anymore. It was pretty good, but I have to say that my palette is just not used to raw fruit anymore except clementines (the only fruit that I have always kept around even in my weight gain/binge years because it tastes like candy!). I think that I may need to start introducing raw produce back into my diet despite not craving it anymore, to help my palette readjust. I seem to only crave junk food and binge-worthy things, but I am convinced suddenly by this banana experience that -- You know what, I'm going to blog about this. Suddenly I have lots of thoughts on the subject.
10:30AM- WTF I TOTALLY JUST GAVE MY CARD TO A COWORKER WHO IS GOING TO GET FOOD FOR ANYONE WHO WANTS IT AND TOLD HIM THAT I WANT A CHICKEN TENDERS BASKET. WHY DID I LOOK AT THE MENU???!!! NOT ONLY SHOULD I NOT EAT THIS TYPE OF FOOD EVER BECAUSE I'M TOO FAT, BUT I ALSO DON'T HAVE MONEY TO THROW AROUND LIKE THIS. HOLY SHIT I'M STUPID.
12pm- Lunch: chicken tenders, fries, tiny piece of cake
feelings: Okay, I calmed down and now realize that it's okay to eat this. I'm not too fat or stupid. Geeze I never know when that ED voice is going to come back, do I? It rears its ugly head every now and then, and that last entry was one of those moments. Anyway, I ate to satisfaction, putting one of the tenders and half the fries in the fridge for after work. I ate a very small sliver of leftover baby shower cake as well, and kind of regret that, since it was after I put away the food, so I was only eating it because I wanted a sweet, not because I was actually hungry.
7pm- binge: 3/4 bag of Ruffles and canister of dip & a brownie
feelings: Yeah... this was a binge of sorts. I feel a little gross. BUT. But, it was going to be worse. I have a pizza in the freezer that I had planned to make after the bag of chips. I really wanted to binge. I stopped eating when the dip was gone, even though there are more chips. I'm not hungry at all so I am skipping the pizza. I don't really know what triggered this binge, but I have been feeling a little out of control lately. Stacey is out of town all weekend and the house is a mess. Plus the holidays are coming up and this one will be Shitty Christmas 3: Blended Family Awkwardness.