Wow, I'm doing a lot better than I thought.

So it's been awhile since I've posted here.  I have to say that my regular eating habits have improved pretty dramatically since these posts from last year, but my binges have not.

For example, I have successfully stopped eating pop tarts for breakfast daily.  Also, I tend to eat leftover cooking or a healthy-ish homemade sandwich for lunch at work instead of something crazy processed and junk food-y like Lean Pockets or Chef Boy-Ar-De.  Plus, I'm cooking a lot more throughout the week, eating several servings of vegetables daily, and drinking tons of water.

These things all have become just a part of everyday life now, I don't even think about them anymore.  But they were really hard changes at first.  I'm glad that I came back to this blog for a bit, because I deserve a pat on the back for the healthy changes that I have made to my diet.

BUT THE BINGES THOUGH.

I still binge, at least a couple times a week.  My personal definition of a binge changes with my mood, but the latest one is that I eat just to eat, and eat well above an average amount, and then I go back to the kitchen or the store for more, looking for anything that can satisfy my hunger that is not actually hunger because I already ate a healthy dinner, a healthy snack, and an entire bag of chips.

That.  I do that at least twice a week.

It sucks.

But I am happy to realize, after looking at the posts on my food blog from last year, that I am in fact doing a lot better with my healthy eating habits, outside of the binge issue.

It's always good to give yourself credit where it is due, even though it can be hard to do when still dealing with major issues.

7:30am- ???- less than a quarter of a Little Debbies cherry pie

feelings:  I don't like the cherry filling, so I only ate around the edges, which taste like a glazed donut.  Stacey is out of town for the week, and left these behind and I think that I will probably leave the rest for him because they are gross.

11am- ???- craisins and string cheese

feelings:  I'm  just not that hungry today so far.  But I brought some snacks to work with me, including craisins and string cheese.  I also had pop tarts here, but I just wasn't craving them this morning.  I could really have gone for a high-protein breakfast today, like an omelet with a side of sausage or bacon.  It's almost 11:30 now and I am starting to get hungry for lunch.  Feeling pretty neutral about today's eats so far.

11:45am- lunch: lean pocket, carrot sticks, pita chips

feelings: Feeling pretty positive today, though I do kind of want to binge tonight.  I think it's just that closet eating mentality that I have when home alone.  It just sounds like so much fun to stuff myself silly while binge-watching some random Netflix show.  But I need to remind myself that I have tons of healthy food to eat this week.  Maybe a bag of popcorn while watching Y&R and then cooking a healthy late-night dinner.  Must find healthy alternatives to binge-eating.  Had a serving of pita chips and a box of craisins, and still have half of each left.

3:15pm- snack: craisins and pita chips

feelings:  Leftover from lunch.  Yum.  Busy day at work.  Have hardly had time to breathe, let alone think about food.



TO BE CONTINUED...

7-8am- breakfast: too many pop tarts

feelings:  I ate four pastries in my car.  I don't know why I did this.  EXCEPT that I am freaking exhausted for lack of sleep last night.  I can't wait for Stacey to get a car!!!  Picking him up late at night when I have to work the next morning SUCKS.  Now I'm 800 calories in the hole (DAMMIT BRAIN STOP COUNTING CALORIES!!!) and it's not even 9am.  I felt really shitty about this food decision until I stepped back and asked "why" and realized that I was exhausted.  My body and brain were craving sugar and caffeine (or... sleep.).  Time to just drink some coffee and some water, and to listen to what my body says next.

12:30pm- lunch: chicken and dumplings (chef-boy-ardee type bowl); handful of pita chips, tablespoon or so of guac

feelings:  This felt like the right amount of food, but I'm craving a salad still.  I'm going to have salads next week!  Salads............................... with creamy dressing and something crunchy on top (not too much).


TO BE CONTINUED...

7:30am- breakfast: pop tarts

feelings: I ate these on the way to work because I woke up hungry!  No guilt about it, feeling neutral.

8:30am- snack: wheat thins

feelings:  I was still feeling hungry, so I poured a serving of these into a bowl and ate at my desk.  I don't know why I'm so hungry today.  Need substance.  Need to start bringing in healthy leftovers for lunch every day, instead of beefaroni and tuna salad kits and hot pockets...

10:45am- snack: cookie

feelings:  First of all, I don't know what these are called... They are tube-shaped cookies from Pepperidge Farm...?  I ate one of them with my coffee, and may eat the other three that I grabbed later today.  Again, super hungry today... and again, I have NOTHING healthy at work.  You know what's crazy though?  I am craving healthy things today.  I want a salad tonight, to go with my leftover salmon!  I have no money though, so I will have to settle for cooked vegetables...

12-1pm- lunch: beefaroni, tortilla chips and guac

feelings:  I probably ate a bit too much, but it felt okay at the time.  I really need to stop counting calories in my head!!! I can't seem to stop though.  I know that I've already eaten about 1500 calories today.  Yep.  I know it.  I need to stop worrying about it, and just continue to listen to my hunger signals while living my life.

2pm- snack: cookies

feelings:  Yep, I ate the remaining three cookies (tube-y thingies that taste like cookies) that were on my desk.  I really think it was a case of "they were there!" not "I was hungry!".  I need to figure out some healthy breakfasts, lunches, and work snacks.  I want to have a healthy week before the end of the year, dammit.  I think it has to be next week.

6pm- snack: popcorn

feelings:  None.  Neutral.

8:30pm- dinner: salmon and spinach

feelings: Super healthy and delicious!!!  I feel like I may have finally figured out "home alone work day" evenings: Eat a snack when I get home, and then cook a later dinner.  "Home with Stacey work day" evenings: Start cooking as soon as I get home and ready, then eat a snack before bed.  Huh.  I like it.  Now I just need to figure out breakfasts.

8:30am- breakfast: chocolate chip cookie

feelings:  This was an office leftover from a bunch of soft bakery goodies that a coworker brought in.  I told myself that if there were any left today, I would enjoy one for breakfast.  And there just so happened to be a cookie left!  It was either this, or a chocolate chip cookie pop tart, so really I think it was okay.  I brought a banana with me to work, so I think that I will enjoy that in the next hour or two because I think that the odds of a single cookie keeping me full all morning are slim.  But feeling neutral about the choice.  It tasted really good.

11:15am- snack: banana

feelings: Okay, so this was my first banana this week and it tasted pretty good.  I challenged myself to eat a banana a day this work week, but I'm fine starting today.  Feeling positive about the decision. 

12pm- lunch: pita chips and rf wheat thins with guacamole, half slice of cake

feelings: I love eating chips and dip as a meal, especially when I don't overeat.  I'm not sure if I overate or not, but I probably had 20 pita chips and 10 wheat thins and a quarter cup of guac.  It felt okay at the time; did not feel like too much.  I guess I feel neutral about it.  Sipping coffee now.

4:30pm- snack: quarter of a biscotti

feelings:  Another office treat.  Didn't taste very good, which is why I didn't even half finish it.

8:30pm- dinner: salmon, steamed veggies, cous-cous

feelings: This was amazing, but I was STARVING by dinner, so I almost immediately ate a snack.  Anyway, it was so good and I felt amazing for eating such a healthy feast.  Stacey was home, so he also enjoyed it. 

9pm- snack: popcorn

feelings:  Nothing like watching In & Out with some popcorn.

meal planning - week of 12/08

Monday:

breakfast- pop tarts
lunch- tuna salad kit
dinner- fast food with Stacey
evening snacks- popcorn and pudding cup

Tuesday:

breakfast/morning snack- pop tarts, banana
lunch- beefaroni
afternoon snack- carrots and celery
after work snack- cottage cheese and fruit
dinner- beans/rice/veggies/evoo bowl
evening snacks- popcorn and pudding cup

Wednesday:

breakfast/morning snack- pop tarts, apple
lunch- chicken and dumpling cup
afternoon snack- chips or wheat thins
dinner- chicken nuggets and vegetables
evening snacks- popcorn and pudding cup

Thursday:

breakfast/morning snack- pop tarts
lunch- chicken salad kit
afternoon snack- yogurt, banana
dinner- beans/rice/evoo bowl
evening snacks- popcorn and pudding cup

Friday:

breakfast/morning snack- pop tarts, banana
lunch- beefaroni
afternoon snack- carrots and celery
after work snack- cottage cheese and fruit
dinner- beans/rice/veggies/evoo bowl
evening snacks- popcorn and pudding cup

Saturday:

breakfast: oatmeal w/ banana and pb
lunch: frozen meal and veggies
dinner: crock pot chicken meal
evening snacks- chips and dip (NO BINGE!!!)

Sunday:

breakfast: eggs and bacon, toast
lunch: leftover chicken
dinner: beans and rice
evening snacks- chips and dip (NO BINGE!!!)

8:30am- breakfast: pop tart

feelings: Yep, I'm not going to let a shitty weekend stop me from enjoying my pop tarts this week.  For some reason, I bought two boxes so I have enough for breakfast all week long.  Apparently this is going to be a pop tart week.

10:30am- snack: half of 2nd pop tart

feelings:  I got hungry, but then got busy so I only ate half and plan to bring it to lunch with me.  Feeling positive.

12pm- lunch: tuna salad, guacamole, crackers, small cookie

feelings: feeling neutral about this lunch.  Didn't end up eating 2nd half of pop tart.  Throwing it away.  Feeling positive about throwing away part of a pop tart.

3:30pm- snack: mugful of tortilla chips

feelings: feeling neutral.  Eating in response to hunger, nothing more.  I am going to go ahead and write a meal plan for the rest of the week, this time including the weekend, since I did so much better on days that I had a plan for some reason, even if I didn't follow the plan at all. 

7:30pm- dinner and dessert: McDonald's #1 and a pudding cup

feelings: physical pain an hour later, but no emotional pain so I guess it's a win?  I remember now why I don't eat Big Macs...  This pudding is amazing.  It's the JELLO brand, dark chocolate mousse, no sugar added.  DeLISH.